I choose you

April 2, 2009 at 3:30 am 5 comments

It’s a funny thing, this love/co-parenting relationship. I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s where all of my uglies come out.
If I’m having a challenging moment, I blame my mate. If several challenging moments pile up, I consider fleeing. Ridiculous. Yet repetitive enough that I need a new way of looking at all this.

So, here it is.
“You cannot disappoint me.”
If I am looking at my children that way, why not also look at my partner this way. He is just being him, doing the things that I fell in love with in the first place, such as skiing. Often. I remind myself, there is nothing wrong with that. I want him to be happy and do what he loves.

“This is THE love affair of this life.”
So, if I choose to believe that, which I do, then ACT LIKE IT, dammit. Treat him with real consideration and care. Embrace all of who he is, especially the parts that drive me nuts (neon sign pointing at places where I need to grow up).

And finally,
“This too shall pass.”
It will. One of us will die, something will happen, because everything in this world of form is temporary. One day we will not be together like this. It could be today, so let’s kiss good-bye when you leave in the morning. What if it is the last time?

We don’t have to wait until the kids go to bed to connect. We can connect in any moment we want, and that is so important for them to see. We don’t have to wait until the kids grow up so we can DO stuff together (like ski) to feel close. Let’s feel close now, even when our lives seem so different.

Feeling close requires opening my heart and letting go. It has nothing to do with changing you or wishing something was different. It is my choice, my work.

I choose you. Over and over.

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Entry filed under: inspiration.

a paintbrush or two a love story

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Theresa  |  April 2, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    This is beautiful 🙂 And a good reminder for the rest of us too!

    Reply
  • 2. Theresa  |  April 10, 2009 at 10:00 am

    After a lovely and very mature screaming match this morning between me and my love, I remembered this post and came back to read it. Thank you for this.

    Reply
  • 3. Theresa  |  April 10, 2009 at 10:06 am

    I linked to it on my blog. I hope you don’t mind.

    Reply
  • 4. lceel  |  April 17, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    All well and good – but there has to be an equal commitment on his part to the same kind of understanding. Because when it’s all give and no take, the giver WILL run out of gas – and then things can really get ugly.

    Reply
    • 5. klaroche  |  April 18, 2009 at 12:33 am

      I am curious about the terms “equal” and “same”. I don’t think it has to be equal or same. I also think it depends on the “giver’s” attitude. I’m not talking martyr here, that will lead to burn out, for sure. I’m talking about loving unconditionally. UN CONDITIONALLY. Loving no matter what the conditions are. When we drop our defenses, get beyond our own wounded personalities, and love from that place of total acceptance and openness, THEN we may discover that this relationship isn’t where we want to be. What if we stop making demands? What if every experience of dissatisfaction is really about us, pointing us to where we need to address something from our past?
      Thanks for bringing your perspective to the table. I so value the discussion.

      Reply

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