Exclusive interview with Naomi Aldort

January 1, 2009 at 6:03 am Leave a comment

Naomi Aldort is the author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.
Parents from around the globe seek Aldort’s advice by phone, in person and through her workshops, book and by listening to her CDs. Her articles appear in attachment parenting, homeschooling and other progressive parenting magazines worldwide. She is an inspiring public speaker and counselor who has been interviewed on radio, TV and in numerous magazines worldwide.
Naomi’s three sons were home born, attachment raised and learned on their own while nurtured by love. Two of them are professional musicians as teenagers and the oldest is third year top student in college. You can see the links to their site on Naomi’s site: http://www.AuthenticParent.com

what is on your mind these days, with respect to parenting and
raising children?

A shift in consciousness is opening up in humanity. For parents it
means the possibility of raising aware, connected and powerful people. We have moved through recognition of feelings, validation, and being responsive to the baby and child’s needs. As we move through this phase, many children are emotionally weak and needy of having whatever they want. Parents have taken “meeting needs” to mean that the child should always have whatever they want. This is not true and not possible. Children are sensitive, but powerful. If they learn to fall apart when things don’t go their way, they are simply emotionallyweak. Emotional strength comes from being able to live at peace with reality, not from learning to bend reality to one’s will. Such strength comes from meeting primal needs so the child knows her own value and external things cannot waver her sense of self. Therefore, I believe it is vital to model and empower the ability to look for happiness and guidance inside, rather than outside.

The child who depends on external stimulation or learns to
please others, becomes unhealthfully dependent and emotionally weak.
In contrast, the child and parent who learns to look inside is powerful and finds happiness inside under many different external
circumstances and human relationships.

what, if anything, has changed in your thinking since you wrote
Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves?

I have added inquiry to the S of the SALVE formula, similar to The
Work of Byron Katie and adopted IT to parents and to children.
I now find that a powerful parent is one who is free from stressful thoughts. Such a parent does not see the child’s behavior as a
problem. Instead she notices the child’s valid reason to do what she
does. With such clarity, the parents can see the loving and kind way
to offer assistance.

In the same vain it is helpful for parents to learn about empowering
more than validating. By empowering a child to see that she can
handle things, both child and parent discover joy, connection and love. The parent or the child can notice that what was “hurting” becomes painless
when not resisted. Defense is the cause of pain.

So I would say that I haven’t changed what I say in the book, but I
have expanded and deepened the raising ourselves aspect and the skill to help the child stay rooted inside.

what are some practical things which parents can do that will make
the most profound positive impact for their children and themselves?

A parent should love herself and notice that the most fulfilling
moments of her/his life is when they fully let go and join the child’s
ride. When we raise ourselves and nurture the children with love
simply because that’s what we love to do for ourselves, we become peaceful and enjoy the ride.

So, my short guidance is: When you see your child as difficult, notice your own thoughts, body and feelings. Heal yourself. Your child is a mirror, even when it doesn’t seem this way.The riddle is to discover how that is true. When we work on ourselves, what occurs with the children seem like a miracle. But the miracle occurs inside first. Love is the magic and it is who you are when all thought and need to impress fall away.

To be even more practical: Many parents believe the old fairy tale
that they are supposed to know how to parent. They tend to get
offended when offered a book, CD, or to call for a guiding phone
session. I highly recommend for parents (and all humans) to embrace
“not knowing.” That means, read, study, listen, reconsider, and always check with you. Listen to the child and take her/him seriously. Don’t think you know. True wisdom is realizing that we know nothing and being open to discover, moment by moment.
what do you want parents to know?

I would love for you, parents, to know that what you feel deep inside,
when free from the opinions of others and from your old reactions, is
a good starting point for connecting with yourself and with your
child. Deep inside you have the spirit of love which is the ground for
finding clarity and learning the kind of parenting skills that come
from love and serve love. The danger of saying this is that we often confuse intuition with our automatic reactions. Don’t believe anything your mind says or anyone says. Question and get back to your authentic inner wisdom. Just like you want your child to look inside rather than outside, model this same inner connection. You are already the best parent for your child. Learn to clear the thoughts that block you from yourself and you will see why your child acts the perfect way she does and YOU WILL know how to deepen
yourconnection with her and bring joy, freedom and power into her and your lives.

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