We’ve moved!!

Hi friends.
PLEASE come visit us at NEW BLOG SITE
www.naturalparentingcenter.typepad.com

Thanks!

camping with kids

A little overnight to Harper’s Lake up the Blackfoot River, Montana. Sweet family time together before Tim is off fighting fire for the summer.

see joy

Well, I have a slew of sweet pics for you, but none of them are uploading right now. Hmmm. Also, I’ve been reconfiguring all the photos from archives (turns out they were waaaayyyyy too big) so that we can transfer over to typepad. Been quite a project!

Anyways…just not quite as much fun for you without something to look at. So, you tell me…what joy are you seeing, right now, right where you are, either in your mind’s eye, or right in front of you.

It is a worthwhile practice, don’t you think? To practice seeing joy? Oh there is so much there. Don’t let your mind fool you into thinking you are hard-done-by. Feel your feelings, most certainly, and know that you are always, always a gazillion times more spacious, more beautiful, more light than anything you think, even anything you feel.

Try that on.
See joy. It’s always right here. It’s only right here.

Oh goodie. It worked!

you do not have to be good

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Mary Oliver

echo’s birthday

Oh sweet girl. Happy second birthday.

You are full of light, radiant.
Constantly amazing us.
Thank you for being.

Echo’s empathic parents planned the perfect birthday for her. Just a few close friends, in her own backyard, allowing her to be exactly who she wants to be. Comfortable, naked, simple delights.

Opening gifts when she wanted, at the pace she wanted.
Showing gratitude in her own way.
Fresh, homemade playdough.
Balloons. Flowers.
With plenty of freedom to just play.

What a lovely day.

big me

small me

::is irritated by neighbours walking in backyard to check out patio being built

::is overwhelmed and annoyed by MESS everywhere i look

::is wanting to freeze kids where they are, stop them from moving for period of time to clean mess, eat alone, listen to silence

::is stuck in thinking mind, numb in body, disconnected from feelings, from self

::is not seeing magic anywhere, seeking change, relief from shifting outer circumstances

big me

::hears the joy in these two beings playing, beauty in their perpetual motion

::feels warm sun streaming in window, morning sun filling life with light

::knows there is magic in every mundane, extraordinary moment

::writes this to connect with my true self, full and beautiful and open and divine and communing with every living being, always

::loves all of it, the mess, the fatigue, the chaos, the noise, the neighbour

::senses what is real…that we are all one, we are all The One

::giggles adoringly at small me and all of her fussing and fuming about nothing

::is loved for no reason at all, and so are you.

becoming conscious

Waking up from sleep-walking through parenting, repeating old patterns and basically not being who you really are, well, it requires some conscious effort. Here is my current list…

I want to be calm and quiet when Elliott falls or something happens. Reacting doesn’t help. (This is a specific request of his, actually. Oh what a boy he is.)

I want to allow more and interpret, explain, understand less. This habit of “explaining” is for my sake and not all that helpful to them. Allow…watch it unfold.

I want to say “yes” even more, then DO IT immediately, instead of “just let me finish…..”. He is SOOOO patient, really.

And the list goes on…
What are you creating for yourself? Who are you becoming?

When we shed these old patterns of thought, we become our true, fresh, responsive selves. It just feels sooooo good.

i love

this baby girl wearing flowers.

our raw milk being delivered by edible missoula friends

trusting there is no such thing as boredom

bliss balls
(choose any combination of ground almonds, ground flax seeds, sesame seeds, coconut, soaked dates, maple syrup, peanut butter-usually not raw, carrot meal-from juicing carrots, hemp seeds, water. mix to desired consistency and form into balls, roll in coconut or sesame seeds)

new raw food creations, like this wrap, inspired by Hannah at Natural Choices for Living
(Let me know if you want the ingredients and I will post them!)

moments like these…

I love believing in kindness towards children. When he grabs something from her, I don’t have to threaten, punish, shame, or ignore him. Instead I can open my heart, give her empathy, and then offer him love, knowing that is what he is asking for. I love that.

fun

Life is supposed to be fun. You said, “I’ll go forth and choose. I’ll look at the data, and I’ll say, yes to this, and yes to this, and yes to this, and I’ll paint a picture of the things that I want, and I’ll vibrate about them, because that’s what I’m giving my attention to. And the Universe will respond to my vibration. And then I’ll stand in a new place where a whole new batch of yeses are available, and I’ll say yes to this, and yes to this, and yes to this.” You did not say, “I’ll go forth and struggle into joy”, because from your Nonphysical Perspective you know it is vibrationally not possible. You cannot struggle to joy. Struggle and joy are not on the same channel. You joy your way to joy. You laugh your way to success. It is through your joy that good things come.

jerry and esther hicks

Being happy

Being happy is the most important task of parenting. In our culture, that goes against the grain, to be sure. But well-being is what nature intended, so just let go of the negative thinking, the ego, the judge and critic, and you’ll notice a lightening up. Accepting everything as it is right in this moment is the fastest way to get to happiness. Children know how to do it.

Let go and open your heart. You might die today. Is this how you want your last day to be?

wee magic

Making felt animals today at Wee Magic. Helping children discover their Animal Totems or Power Animals. Everyone has an animal spirit which stays with them throughout life: guiding, comforting, empowering. “Every animal is an outward expression of what’s in our soul” C. McLaren says in “Celebrating the Great Mother: A Handbook of Earth Honoring Activities for Parents and Children”.

When you discover your power animal (you can choose a card randomly or notice what you are most drawn to), then observe that animal’s behaviour. What does your power animal have to teach you and reveal about your own being?

Asa chose giraffe or lion or zebra, Elliott picked raven, I’m sticking with owl (since one landed at my feet) and Joanna chose whale (honouring creativity and intuition, yeah!). We forgot to pick for baby Axel and Sascha!

We were going to make felt masks, but our children were inspired to get their hands wet and work with the wool, so we followed that, though ended with some beads and no finished animals. Our new moon gathering is a lovely time to set intentions for the month and to be with our children as we tune into the rhythms of the natural world.

An owl arrived on our doorstep this week, so we learned that OWL represents a doorway, a divine intersection in your life where you can choose which way. Owl is also about wisdom, knowing when to be still, and keeper of secrets. The owl comes to us when we need to open our eyes and listen with our inner selves.

What is your animal totem? If you are pregnant, notice what animals are visiting you and in your awareness as that may be your baby’s totem.

MORE GIVE AWAYS COMING NEXT WEEK, SO STAY TUNED. Remember that you could win a Feeleez prize for commenting this week. We will announce winner on Sunday night!

weekend giveaway

Sprout Pouch is offering 50% off of a baby sling, as our weekend giveaway. Simply comment on this post and we will pick a winner on Sunday night. That will be TWO giveaways tomorrow.

My sprout pouch sling has cradled two babies and it is still beautiful. Our dear Missoula mama friend, Caitlin, started this company so that she could balance work with being mama to her two wee ones and also contribute to the well-being of families.

Nowadays, I look across the room to see Sascha standing up at the couch! After seven months of having her strapped to me every day, it is so strange to realize she is having her own little experiences. My sweet friend Gabe said, "Well, it must feel so fulfilling to know that you carried her every minute until she was ready to move on her own". Ahhh yes. That helps me with the sadness of these changes which happen all too quickly, for my liking. Thanks Gabe.

Sascha’s new hat

Sascha’s new hat. Ahhhh. What fulfillment to 1. actually finish something 2. make something handmade 3. make something handmade for my baby.

I’ve been thinking lots about self-care. Maybe the ultimate self-care has nothing to do with having to take a break from your kids. Maybe its more about creativity. Knitting is so great because you can pick it up for two minutes and get a little meditation time in.

So sweet, this little girl in the green striped hat. How did I ever get to be so blessed to be with her and her brother every day?

sprout pouch winner is…

Jennifer! Thanks for posting, Jennifer. We are so happy for you. I am sure you will love your pouch and it will help your little one thrive. Keep us posted about your adoption. I’ve recently come across some wonderful resources for attachment parenting with adopted babes. Let me know if you are interested.
Love NPC team…
I will email you with information about how to claim your prize.

button set winner is…

Anita Woz!
Congratulations, Anita. Email us your address and we will send you the set of Feeleez buttons. Thanks for posting.

You cannot disappoint me.

joyful jo. photo by heidi www.heidibuecking.com

When you hold this phrase in your mind, your interactions with your children will change for the better. This is at the heart of “working with” as Alfie Kohn refers to in Unconditional Parenting.

Here’s an example. Echo is 20 months old. She has gone through various stages of elimination communication, diapers, using potty happily and peeing all over. Right now she is favoring peeing on the living room carpet. When she has to go, Natalie offers her the toilet, and she also offers her the carpet. She explains that the toilet is convenient because then nothing has to be cleaned up, but she actually gives Echo a real choice. If Echo chooses the carpet, Natalie gets a towel for her and lays it on the carpet, and there she pees.

What’s the big deal? Echo will pee in the toilet consistently, someday. In the meantime, imagine how cared for Echo feels. Her mama is ‘with’ her, really with her.

So yeah, this photo doesn’t exactly match the story. The idea is that kids are a whole lot of happy when their preferences are respected.

learning to read

We are savouring a mini ski vacation to celebrate Papa Tim’s birthday, although for me and Sascha it is mostly joyfully hanging out by the fire in the lodge, while Papa and Elliott play on skis. Three days without doing dishes, wow.

The other night Elliott was “reading” the salt and pepper and mustard and ketchup packages.

“Raspberry, cream, honey, cream, popcorn, rosies, cheeks, cream.”

He looked at me with a grin, like we were both in on a secret. And we are. The secret is: no teaching necessary.

We are currently reading this book on life learning and it bolsters our intuition. One of the chapters by Naomi Aldort talks about “teacheria”. What is that overwhelming urge of so many to instruct, lecture, preach, and in the process take all the fun out of learning?
We are watching it on the ski hill.

Amazingly, children learn. The question is, are we willing to trust?

a child’s eye view

Our budding photographer has been experimenting.

we are wired for empathy

Daniel Goleman, internationally recognized for his insights about Emotional Intelligence talks about how new field of social neuroscience shows that we are wired to connect. The difference between whether or not we actually act on that natural instinct to help depends on whether we are focused on ourselves or others.

One of the most profound steps that parents can take to help their children foster this natural tendency towards empathy and compassion is to eliminate all use of rewards (including praise) and punishment. Reward and punishment encourage children to become selfish, with either “what’s in it for me” or “what’s will happen to me” kind of thinking.

Instead, help your child focus on the other by talking about what is happening for the other person, in addition to offering empathy to your child, consistently and with wild abandon.

nutrition-spiration

We’ve been in a food rut. I’m not sure fried rice four nights a week constitutes a balanced diet. So, in a search for some nutrition inspiration, these are my new favorite cookbooks.

Last night’s menu included sesame noodles, beet salad with toasted pumpkin seeds and today we’re making a creamy carrot soup (made creamy with cashews and almonds) and french lentil dijon dip for vegetables. It’s interesting because Nourishing Traditions and Disease Proof Your Child contradict each other with respect to animal protein, but what the heck. I like them both.

So, in addition to some nutrition-spiration for you, here’s some Law of Attraction insight: consider the contrast you see in the world as a giant gorgeous buffet and simply focus your attention on what you love and want more of. Then get into the receiving mode to allow it to come your way. It will.

When it comes to our children, focus on their radiant health, their abundant joy, your sweet connection with them, their unending search for adventure and fun and everything else that you love. They will be so nourished by that energy, with vegetables on top.

Imbolc. The stirring of the seeds.

In the northern hemisphere, February 2 was celebrated long ago as the festival of Imbolc. Honouring the sacredness of fire, longer days, a sense of possibility as our winter retreat will soon be ending.

The seeds are stirring deep within the womb of earth, nature is waking up, and we begin to look ahead to creations we want to bring to fruition in the greening season.

Enjoying the ice while it lasts

We created a light garden to celebrate the feeling of possibility with the changes ahead. Fill a pan with soil. On small pieces of paper write particular ideas, creative projects, or changes you’d like to manifest then roll them into tiny “seeds” and plant them in the soil. Place a small candle on top of each seed and light them. We sang “happy springtime to you…

You can also make beeswax candles here.
Or make a rainstick here

when you say ‘don’t’ and your child does

You are more powerful than you know. What you say becomes reality. So, when you say DON’T about anything, your child hears DO. Your child is not the problem, it’s that you are drawing attention to something and your child then focuses on that. Instead, change your language to ALWAYS SAY WHAT YOU DO WANT.

“Will you please swing that bat over here? That way all the kids stay safe.”
vs. “You’ll hit your sister if you swing that bat in here!”

“I want the stuffed animal to stay clean so I think I’ll move it off the table while we paint.”
vs. “Move the bear so it doesn’t get paint on it!”

“Play-doh is for play, for making little balls and animals, for squooshing and squeezing. Want some help?”
vs. “Don’t put that play-doh in your mouth it isn’t food.”

“I want you to stay dry so can I help you with that cup of water?”
vs. “Woah that cup is too big for you, you’ll get wet if you try to drink from that.”

“Are you comfortable?”
vs. “Is that shirt too tight?”

“Are you warm?”
vs. “You must be cold.”

“Here is your remedy so that you are healthy.”
vs. “Take yourremedy so that you don’t get sick.”

“Here’s your coat so that you stay warm.”
vs. “Put your coat on so that you don’t get cold.”

“I’ll hold your hand so that you stay on your feet while we cross the ice.”
vs. “I’ll hold your hand so that you don’t fall.”

It takes practice, like learning a new language (or re-learning your natural language). Your efforts will be profoundly valuable for you and your children.

parenting as an adventure

Today’s adventures…when you wake up, you just never know. That’s what I love about stepping into the flow, instead of plan, plan planning. Uncertainty. It can make us wiggle and squirm because there is an element of scary to it. Yet, watch our kids. They just fall forward with open arms into life. Every moment.

What does it mean to get into the flow?
-several hours a day of unscheduled play time
-minimizing your to-do list (movement, nutrition, laughter, creativity, and maybe a load of laundry or two)
-affirm your priorities every morning (being and connection is more important to me than doing stuff)
-noticing when you are clinging or resisting, taking a deep breath and letting go
-regularly asking the universe for a little assistance in whatever you are needing

Be happier now, living this adventure all the way. That’s the most important “task” of parenting.

a new day

Are you willing to forgive yourself when you act unconsciously? We are human, so we are going to mess up. We are always in the process of becoming more conscious. During our blind moments, we fall back into our default and our default is just that: faulty! It takes consistent, vigilant, willing effort to become more aware.

PRACTICE reflecting at night before you sleep. Be gentle with yourself and bring your attention to what flowed during the day, the times when you were present and connected, being the way you want to be with your children. Then, in the morning, set your compass, so to speak. Think about what matters most to you for the day and consciously set your intention, just like at the beginning of a yoga practice.

Our defaults will always be there. And, we can be more than that. Every day is a new day.

Moby wrap giveaway

Hannah is the winner! Contact us with your shipping information, Hannah and we will send that to you. Thanks everyone!

Our dear friends at La Stella Blu are offering a FREE MOBY WRAP for you, any size and color you choose.
We believe that skin-to-skin contact is essential for optimal development of bonding between baby and mama or papa. Baby wearing promotes secure infant attachment which is highly beneficial. Research has shown that secure infant attachment leads to: higher IQ (Landry et al 2003; 2006, Moss et al 1998, Crandell and Hobson 1999); greater empathy and moral development (Davidov and Grusec 1996, Kochanska and Murray 2000); better ability to cope with negative emotions (Kerns et al 2007); greater emotional availability (Easterbrooks et al 2000); greater independence (Mercer 2006); lower stress (Blair et al 2006,Uvnas Moberg 2003); and fewer behaviour problems (Moss et al 1998).

When we are working with parents who are transitioning from coercion/control methods of parenting to natural parenting, we recommend a sort of ‘attachment immersion’ program which includes as much touch and connection as possible. The results are profound.

Well, back to the giveaway! To be eligible, simply comment below. Remember, you can ASK US your parenting question and receive free coaching!

Thanks and good luck! We’ll be drawing for the winner this weekend and will post results here.

Encourage, beyond praise

What’s the difference between praise and encouragement?

A worthy question. Praise uses judgment and encouragement is non-judgmental. Praise evaluates and encouragement does not. As a result, praise relies on extrinsic motivation and encouragement is all about intrinsic motivation.

Why is intrinsic motivation superior? It works. In other words, we are truly and lastingly motivated when the source comes from within. In the end, a child who is encouraged will trust themselves, know who they are, be resilient, and be strong in the face of peer pressure and other outer influences. The child who is encouraged will look inside him or herself for happiness and well-being.

Great. But…HOW TO ENCOURAGE WITHOUT PRAISING, right? Ahh yes. Here is the challenge and gift for us as parents: to observe without evaluation. Here are some guidelines:

1. Ask questions which have NO right answer.

How was that for you?
What was that like?
Tell me more.

2. Remove all reference to GOOD or BAD of any kind. This begins with a radical re-thinking on your part. At the core, you must shift from good/bad, right/wrong thinking and replace it with NEUTRALITY. Until you do this, even if you are not saying “good/bad”, you will be giving it away in your tone or expression. Coaching is a powerful way of unravelling these beliefs so you can understand and appreciate the power of neutrality.

3. State observations.

You jumped higher than last time.
You were balancing.
You’ve added arms and legs to that drawing.
You used more color than last time.

Even these statements are tricky because your child is wise. She will hear what you value and take it to heart. (Hmmm. I guess I’m supposed to jump higher because higher jumps are better than lower jumps.) So include ANY observation, especially ones that, in your old way of thinking, you might not have valued.

That drawing has lots of lines all over.
That jump was lower (same tone as higher jump).
Yes, you did fall down (neutral, no drama).

4. Let your child know that WHO SHE IS is being seen, heard, valued. This is most encouraging of all, and meets our essential need to MATTER. This will be communicated by your vibration, by your way of BEING, far more than by what you say.

I see you.
I hear you.
I adore you.

Maybe most important of all…remember that your children do not need you to encourage them in order to learn, to grow, to develop. When you believe, really believe, in their innate ability to do this WITHOUT ANY INTERFERENCE FROM YOU…then, you will be naturally encouraging, just as you are.

time outs are bad for children

The research is mounting and the rationale is clear. When you send a child to time out, they experience a withdrawl of your love. They learn that they are only love-able sometimes, rather than unconditionally. Time outs are never appropriate.

If you create an unshakable relationship with your child, there is nothing he can do that you can’t talk through and learn from. Without shame. Without punishment. Without emotional trauma.

Love your child with reckless abandon. Talk about your feelings when she acts in ways that aren’t working for others or herself. Explain reality in neutral terms.

Be curious. Be kind.

What do you need?
May I hold you?
What’s happening for you?
He’s using that right now. Will this one work for you?
What are you feeling?
How can I help you?
Would you be interested in this?
Are you frustrated? Are you needing space?
Can I help you with that?
Yes.
Absolutely.
I would love to.
Definitely.
Will this work?
What if we tried it this way?
What’s your idea?
What are you hoping for?
What would you like?
What would you prefer?
What’s your opinion?

I’m so grateful for you.

What’s in your thoughts?

Whatever you are thinking about is planning, creating your reality. Every single thought, whether about the poopy diaper or the state of the world, is significant. You are an artist and you get to create this life.

What are you thinking about?

When you focus on what’s wrong, you get more of that. When you focus on lack, you get more of that. When you focus on problems, you get more of that. So do the old switcharoo.

Think about what’s working, what you are grateful for, what you love, what delights you. Say, “bring it on!” to all that you want. Watch your children for inspiration.

Yesterday, Sascha was face down in a pile of dirt and snow, crawling around, eating mouthfuls, grime dripping down her chin grinning and I could feel the worry thought creeping up behind me. I looked at my friend and she said “trace minerals”. Ahhh yes. Trust.
Babies have been eating mouthfuls of dirt forever and doing just fine.

Ego-generated emotions are derived from the mind’s identification with external factors which are, of course, all unstable and liable to change at any moment. The deeper emotions are not really emotions at all but states of Being. Emotions exist within the realm of opposites. States of being can be obscured, but they have no opposite. They emanate from within you as the love, joy and peace that are aspects of your true nature.

Finding balance.

So many parents are seeking more balance. What exactly does that mean?

A sane, balanced and fruitful human life is a dance between the two dimensions that make up reality: form and space

e. tolle A New Earth

We lose our sense of balance when we are too focused on the ‘doing’ of life. Cluttered by material things, things to do, and things to think about, we lose ourselves and lose touch with what matters most: simply being present enough to experience all of it fully.

This too shall pass.

You can say that to yourself every time you feel yourself getting uptight. Every time you start to want to change things from being the way they are. Your children need you to BE. That means you are willing to stand in the puddle outside the grocery store for 45 minutes. If your life is to full of doing to allow for that, then make changes. They actually know better than you about what life is about.

There is nothing more important than this. This moment, right here.

The Unprocessed Child: an excerpt

www.heidibuecking.com

Realizing that Laurie was more important than any thing and treating her with respect gave her a trust in me that could not have happened otherwise. If a child is punished for breaking a lamp, the message to the child is that the lamp is more important than the child is. If the child has been raised in a free environment he feels badly enough about breaking the lamp without being punished. The punishment drives a wedge between the parent and child. If the child knows that he will be punished for breaking something, he will learn to hide or lie about any future mishaps. Accidents happen to us all and it is time to stop making children pay so heavily for their innocent mistakes. The fun they are having, the laughter that was filling the room, is more important than the lamp. Lamps can be replaced, while the laughter of children cannot.

puddles and passion

Upon waking at 6 something…
Mom, can I dress up like a goalie?
Of course.
Do goalies wear a chest protector?
Yes.
Do goalies wear shin guards?
Yes.
Do goalies wear a jersey and elbow pads?
Yes.
Do goalies wear a penis protector?
Yes.
Do goalies wear goalie skates and hold the stick like this and do they wear a special goalie mask?
Yes.
C’mon mom. Let’s play.

happy birthday, larkin

Being attached and unattached

Let go.
Every minute is another opportunity for accepting everything exactly as it is. That’s the irony of attachment parenting. It’s all about sensing what to hold onto and what to let go of.
Hold onto your baby. All day every day, until she wants to go off by herself.
Let go of every expectation of how it is supposed to be.
How it IS is how it is supposed to BE.
Let go of going outside because some days are for inside.
Let go of cleaning up. You’ll get it done at some point. It always gets done, but right now something else is happening.
Let go of matching shoes.
Hold onto your connection. Let go of being right. Let go of being in control. You are SO NOT in control. Never were, actually.
Let go of writing this blog, because baby girl is calling.

how to get happy

1. Give yourself to your children.
2. Trust that this moment is perfect.
3. Remember that you are going to lose everything.
4. Watch your thoughts like a movie.
5. Decide. Being happy is your choice.

Every fresh moment.

It has been quite a week around here.
Sascha is a blossoming human being. She climbs stairs, makes signs for bird, play, isis dog, tries to stand alone, and has her first tooth.

And I continue to marvel at Elliott’s intent adoration of everything ‘goalie’.

Mom, does the goalie hold his stick like this?
Mom, is it the goalie’s job to protect the net?
Mom, does the goalie drink tea and take baths?
He and Tim went to the ice rink Friday night, Saturday and Sunday. They bought new chest protection and shin guards which actually fit (better than my e-bay attempts) and watched “Miracle”.

Some crafting has happened as well.

All of the timing, all of the time, is perfect.

one day.

one day.
inspecting seeds.
watching birds.
fort building.
impromptu playdate by the river.
eating sand.
climbing ladders.
bread.
multiple clothing changes.

one moment.
i realize that this moment will never happen ever again ever. and neither will this one. or this one. or this one.
and i am grateful for each and every one.
what was life before this? i hardly remember. i hardly care.

Realize…real eyes

“This moment IS the divine will”
Adyashanti

We don’t have to leave our children for ‘self-care’. The ultimate way of caring for ourselves (and our children) is by accepting every moment for what it is.

Our children need our Presence. This happens to also be the highest purpose of a human life. BE with them, follow their flow. Watch yourself and have a good chuckle at the part of you that fusses and whines about it…
but i need a break
but i want some time to myself
but they need to learn to…sleep alone, be independent, get along without me…blahblahblah

but but blah blah

What’s true is this… a run that easily became a babywearing stroll, an afternoon play with sweet guru friends, a spontaneous sunset game of soccer, and happy happy being.

sweet mamas

Another day of play with friends.

Elliott into living room hockey with Asa, Sascha chasing Axel at high speed crawl and Joanna and I starting conversations that we may some day finish…co-parenting struggles, our love/suspicion of soulemama (I mean really, a sweater? just like that? practically overnight?), telling the truth, transitions.

I’m so grateful for my circle of sweet mamas, near and far. We ARE raising our children in community. This is our village.

And the cornbread. So popular with the boys that I want to share the recipe with you.
Adapted from my new favorite cookbook: Feeding the Whole Family, Cooking with Whole Foods by Cynthia Lair
Here’s the actual recipe:
Sweet Squash Corn Muffins
1.5 cups cornmeal
1.5 cups ww pastry flour
2 tsp bp
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup baked winter squashed
1/2 cup water or milk
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup maple syrup
2 eggs
2 tbs pumpkin seeds for topping
Preheat oven to 375, oil muffin cups or line. Mix dry ingredients. Mix wet ingredients separately (save mashed squash for baby).Add together with minimum strokes. Decorate tops with seeds. Bake for 25-30 minutes.

We used applesauce instead of squash and put it in rectangular tray. Delicious. We fed our little hockey players mouthful after mouthful through their goalie masks. They weren’t as into the lentil soup (which I thought was the best ever) from same book, but we liked it lots.

freedom

It appeared to onlookers that by giving L so much control over her own direction, I was making sacrifices that went above and beyond my duties as a mother. Many of them felt the need to tell me that I needed a life outside of mothering. I never understood this pattern of thought. I made the decision to be a mother and my priority was to see to it that I did the job to the best of my ability. I never felt that I was sacrificing myself so that L could be free. I embraced motherhood and felt that I was blessed with the opportunity of a lifetime. We all make choices in life and the choice I made was to be a mother. Being a mother meant freedom to me; freedom to be so in tune with a child that I knew her every want and need. Why would I give up freedom from mothering; mothering was my freedom

V. Fitzenreiter
The Unprocessed Child: Living Without School

Let the inner animal out.

There are studies that claim that a person’s body odor renders them attractive to a mate with a complimentary set of genes. This results in strong offspring. Today we use so many deodorants, perfumes, fabric softeners, and room sprays that our human smell is completely masked. And our offspring are getting weaker. What this means to me is that the design of our bodies and parent-child relationships are PERFECT already. There is no need to hide ourselves from each other. Let the inner animal out.

My inner animal likes:
to smell my children
to feel winter sun on my face
to move my body

My inner animal doesn’t care about:
current economic trends
dog hair on my pants, couch, sweater
a clean car

My inner animal wants:
to hold my baby
to sleep in a pile of family
to eat whole grains and meat sometimes

My inner animal doesn’t want:
tight clothes
cheesy puffs
fluorescent lighting

What does your inner animal want? How smelly and human are you willing to be?

Echo and Natalie (post by Natalie)

parenting as a path of awakening.

be

here

now

cookie kind of day

It was, indeed, a cookie kind of day around here. After nine months of wheat-free living thanks to Gluten Free Mama (for colic prevention purposes), Papa and Elliott were thrilled that I pulled out the regular, not-gluten-free oats for this yummy recipe. OK, so I still used spelt.

Oatmeal Cookies
3/4 cup butter
1 cup brown sugar (I used Rapadura)
1 egg
1tsp vanilla
3/4 cups flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
3 cups rolled oats (you could certainly substitute gluten-free variety)
1 cup chocolate chips, cranberries, raisins or whatever your favorite
1 cup walnuts, toasted and chopped (optional)

My fabulous sister uses white chocolate chips and cranberries. Yummy combo. I’m sure you can stumble through the rest of the instructions, but email me if you need more. 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes. That lovely pottery plate came from here. Love her stuff.

Enthusiasm is the power that transfers the mental blueprint into the physical dimension. That is the creative use of mind, and that is why there is no wanting involved. You cannot manifest what you want; you can only manifest what you already have.

e. tolle
a new earth

beyond a shadow of a doubt

I adore you.

Maybe this parenting thing is just a whole lot easier than we make it out to be. Our children simply want what we all long for…to be adored, shamelessly and entirely adored.
Remember how you felt when someone was madly in love with you? How you could walk around feeling madly in love with yourself because you were looking at yourself through that person’s eyes?
Give that to your child. Give that to yourself. (Hint: when you tap into your inner being which IS pure love, you will have endless pure love to give).

On the practical side…HOW does that look in the daily mess of things?
Here are some examples from our day.

Echo asks Elliott for some of the banana he is eating.
Elliott quickly shoves the remaining 1/3 of banana into his mouth.
“Echo, I guess Elliott didn’t want to share that. Is there something else we can get for you to eat?”
I assume Elliott was hungry. Simple as that.
Love them both.

Echo grabs Elliott in the face.
“Echo, that hurts Elliott. Are you needing some space? Are you feeling frustrated?”
“Elliott, are you alright? Can I hold you?
Love them both.

Echo is saying “no” to Elliott’s requests for play.
Natalie says “Elliott, Echo has been saying NO when other kids ask her things. If you want her to join you in playing, it might work better to just start playing and see if she joins in.”
Love them both.

NO labelling, no name-calling, no shaming, no eye-rolling.
Openly accepting, providing information, addressing needs, loving.

I adore you.
Simple.
Above all else, that’s what I want my children to remember.

i love

the smell of his head with lingers of babyhood
the smell of her milky breath
the puff of air that hits my ear when i lift her over my shoulder

reliving the hundred or so unique, wild, delightful moments of each day as i wade through and sort the hundred or so random stashes of things, my silent nightly ritual

listening to two beings breathing over the monitor as the moon rises outside
realizing over and over that i have absolutely no control and that i don’t want it, anyways

heeding the call of my instincts, stronger now than ever, to be close, to touch, to listen, to flow, to laugh, to let go, to be there every single time you reach for me, absolute presence

scraping off the mashed bananas and crusty rice grains from the cracks in the wooden kitchen table, knowing that i will miss this too

knowing that i grew you once, and that you grow me over and over again

feeling grateful because there is always something new to adore, which helps me feel less sad for every moment already gone

i love…being your mama

What do YOU love?

playgroup

Ahhhh. Our lovely little playgroup is finally starting to venture back outdoors as spring gets closer. We love our Thursday gatherings. It is such a sweet mix of rich ingredients:
-long term relationships for our children and ourselves
-focusing on the children and their play, with snippets of conversation (rather than the other way around)
-being inspired by each others gentle and conscious parenting
-following whatever is interesting to them in each moment
-variety of ages
-small, consistent group

If I could wave a magic wand, that is what I would want a playgroup to be. And here it is. Ahhh.

Your Inner Being likes to skip and laugh and think about things; your Inner Being likes to offer compliments and feel appreciation and contemplate something that is not fully understood and then feel the understanding come forth. Your Inner Being is just like your frisky two-year old who is eager for life experience. To meet up with your Inner Being just be more like that now.
abraham-hicks

courage

“If she finds out that giving her child the best childhood he could possibly have will go against all the parenting rules she has ever hear of, will she have the courage to go through with it? “

quote by v. fitzenreiter

a third option

It’s such a curious thing to me, this question of “but who am I if I look after my kids all day” and needing an “identity” and figuring out “something to DO for myself”.

What is that? So many of us feel it, we are even encouraged to feel it…”you need to do something for yourself”. Maybe. But…

I’m not interested in leaving my young children, and sacrificing their well-being, to pursue my own thing. (option one). That just wouldn’t be fun to me.
I’m also not interested in being a martyr, full of resentment because I stay with my children (option two).

I’m interested in a third option.
Nurturing my children fully AND feeling fulfilled, expanded, purpose-full and at peace, myself. I believe it’s possible.

There are a few basic assumptions that guide me.
1. Children who know that their mama (or consistent loving carer) is with them, available whenever they need her, can use all their energy for their own growth, discovery, learning. They aren’t wasting energy feeling stressed about when she will be back.
2. Being with my children stimulates deep growth in me…to remain present, to love unconditionally, to be real and authentic, to be aware and tuned in, to accept what is.
3. What is best for my children, also happens to be best for me, even if I can’t see that in the moment.
4. When I let go and love, drop my own busy-making agenda, become flexible and open, I evolve. Everyone benefits.

I am curious about this idea of needing an identity (or career, or other purpose, or insert whatever). You are not alone in feeling this way, our society is a great teacher of do, do, do. Yet, these are only pursuits of the ego.

Who you are has nothing to do with what you do. Who you are is bigger than all of this. Trust in that. And go back to building forts.

manifesting

It is of great value for you to give your conscious attention to what you specifically want, otherwise you can be swept up by the influence of that which surrounds you.

Abraham Hicks

So, with that said, dragging my reluctant mind along behind me, I focus, beginning with what delights me already. As I open E’s baby journal to enter the snippets on scraps of paper I’ve been keeping, I read sweet boy words of wisdom.

I can’t make words yet. I can only learn.

I’m pretty snotty, but I’m pretty better.

Mom, will you move the cookies because I want them when I see them.

Girl, there are birds on the internet.

The goalie is mad about that. He doesn’t like sadness in his heart. He has love in his heart.

I’m pretty big so I don’t run away sometimes.

Don’t be mad about this, mom. I’m very friendly.

Mom, I want ice to grow all over so we can skate.

Daddy and I have different ideas.

I can’t wait for you to talk, Girl.

See, mom? It always works out.

See what you want to see. Here are a couple of more examples from today.

I’ve been wanting to smell lavender because we’re out of that essential oil…climbing into bath, Sascha picks up lid and I catch a whiff. Ahh. Lavender.

Looking around for clean pot to make ginger tea (sore throat cure) and thinking…we really could use another pot. Open stove drawer to discover glass pyrex pot I got for free at garage sale that I had forgotten about. Yes. Thanks.

Begin here, and you shift the energy within you. From that point, we can manifest anything we want…unconditional inner peace, daily belly laughs, fabulous new outfit, abundance of food and love for every baby born…you get the drift.

Also check out this for inspiration and this for adorableness.

i choose this

I’ve been wallowing.
It’s never pretty. Starting with sore throat sickies and feeling low which leads to frustration and fatigue which leads to unhelpful thoughts, all of which revolve around the theme of this must change, not OK as it is. (Eg. husband needs to be different, house needs to be different, kids need to be different….)

Do you ever go there?

Thankfully, I am not successful at trying to get everybody else to change so I end up facing myself, once again.

Thankfully, I have Natalie who reminds me to LET GO.

Thankfully, wise wee ones on the move, having needs, unwilling to be put on hold CALL me back to what’s real: this right here.

Thankfully, I remember that I CHOOSE THIS.

Choice is quite something, isn’t it? We can be duped into thinking that we are victims to whatever is happening which we happen not to like.

But we are not victims.
We choose. Consciously and unconsciously, we choose.

During the first week of The Presence Process you repeat as often as possible to yourself “I choose to experience this moment”.

Of course, you can choose something else. But I’m guessing that what is happening right now is what is supposed to be happening. Your soul asked for it.

magic and honey

I Will…

Listen, I’ve decided:
Life is too precious to ponder
the petty details any longer
and to put it bluntly
I will not participate.
I will not be coming to the party
I will not be returning the call.
I will not be anything to anyone.
I will stare at the gray sky till it is blue.
I will walk in the green fields and
smell the wildflowers.
I will imbibe this life the way
it was meant to be imbibed.
I will listen only to my body
and the black crows.
I will live by the true laws of the Land.
I will pick the wild blackberries and pet cats.
I will write poems I share
only with the wind.
I will raise a child
on the edge of nowhere.
I will nourish her on magic and honey.
I will teach her the languages of fairies.
We will play in
the forest at twilight.
We will hurl all hardship
downhill to the sea.

Marni Norwich

Oh yes…that poem brings me home. Magic and honey, on the edge of nowhere, the language of fairies. mmmm. Precious things.

I’m thinking about precious things.
After children are breathing steady in the family bed, snuggled up together for however long before I join them, there is this space. I actually love having such a small window of personal freedom. It’s brevity helps me get to the core of what matters to me, what nurtures me. There is always some cleaning and organizing and maybe a little fun planning for tomorrow to create ease. I might do a sewing project or write in a journal for creativity. Coaching with sweet clients is deeply satisfying..sacred, loving, discovery, connection. Writing to you on this blog is, of course, so much fun (otherwise I wouldn’t do it.) Watching a movie, talking to Tim, or knitting and listening to something rich. I try not to plan this time while lying down while they fall asleep, otherwise I lose touch with what I feel in the moment. Be present and when I get up, see what happens. What needs doing.

How do you spend this time? What do you love?

Recently I’ve been listening to Non-violent communication audio programs here and I just discovered this! which I’m going to check out. For fun, have you heard of hulu for free movies?
So much to enjoy.
Enjoy.

spring. possibility.

Yes, it was this warm here today. Warm enough to shed shirt and shoes and run in the field.


This girl loves to swing. Humming to herself in the sunshine.
Just look at this exquisite baby chubby-ness. It melts me.

It is all just perfect.
Huge jar of tea spills all over. ‘ahh. I’ve been meaning to wash the floor’

Continuous waking in evening hours. ‘I see..I’m meant to go to bed early tonite.’

Wanting to eat everything I’m eating. ‘Oh yes. I get to change what I’m eating so that it’s healthier and just right for both of us.’

I want to see the opening, the possibility, in everything. It’s right there in front of me when I’m able to open my eyes and free myself from reacting.

Have a lovely weekend, wherever you are.

saying no.

“You are all Buddhas
There is nothing you need to achieve.
Just open your eyes.”
Siddhartha Gautama

Saying no with loving kindness.

Elliott asks Natalie if she has any gum.
“Hmmm. Let me check.
Yes, we do. Would you like a piece?”

Yes, he would like a piece. And so he has one.
Echo asks for gum. Natalie doesn’t want her to have any. She is 22 months old. Elliott is going on four.

“No.”

Sometimes we say NO

“Why?” asks Echo.

“Because gum is something that stays in your mouth. It’s just for chewing. Your body wants to swallow. Your body hasn’t learned about chewing gum and not swallowing and I want to help you keep your body healthy and safe.”

“oh”

“Would you like to find something else that we can pretend is gum?”

“yeah.”

crafty mamas and kids

We started our own crafty mama and kids Mondays here yesterday. Here is Joanna and Axel and her first hat. Four mamas and six children. A few stitches were knit, some tea made, and lots of other play. Gabe our knitting guru kept making the rounds helping us out. Sweet fun. Especially with the newly converted craft and play room.

Nurturing creativity. It has even more to do with how we interact with our children than anything else. Consider this exchange…

Mama, what’s that?

That? That’s called a roller skate.

Oh. For chickens?

Chickens? Are you asking if chickens like to roller skate?

Yeah.

Well. Hmmm. I’m not sure. I’ve seen people use roller skates. They slide a shoe inside those straps and then roll around on the wheels. What do you think?

Chickens.

You think chickens use them?

Yeah.

Oh. Well, of course that’s possible. Do you want to take the roller skate over near the chickens and see what happens?

Yeah.

They try it, taking the roller skate to the chickens. Turns out chickens don’t roller skate. At least not this time, and not while we were watching.

Be open.
Be neutral. (Do you remember what it felt like to be laughed at?)
“Who knows where these ideas come from.”

space

Space.
There are as many other galaxies in the universe as stars in our galaxy.

When I feel tension, resistance to something that is happening, like Elliott not wanting to go outside, or concern about my mom, or someone doesn’t want to be my friend, I remember that.
Space.
This whole little drama right here is very, very small.

There is as much space inside of us as outside of us, vast galaxies right here in this body. Breathe.

Create more space.
The pick up truck is FULL of stuff ready for the Good Will. We’ve been clearing out space around here. I am trusting that whatever we need will show up, and my job is to create space. I’m beginning to notice the space between the objects in the house.

Feng Shui.
The motivation is feng shui. The Wealth corner was a bunch of dusty jars of beans and dog food. Sheesh. So, get this. I moved the beans, scrubbed the shelf, took down the cluttered corkboard, put rocks and seashells and purple and vision board in that corner. Not five minutes later the accountant emailed: our tax return is double what we expected. Tim thinks I’m nuts, but whatever. It works whether he believes it or not.

Space.
The most essential of all to create more space between your thoughts.

one day

This hockey-obsessed boy now known as “Elliott Peter Laroche GOALIE” is in love.

Mom. I like the players so much because (sheepish grin), I love them

The primary object of his adoration is Jim Craig, goalie in the movie Miracle which we’ve now watched, oh, probably twenty times. No kidding.

The big speech before the big game, well, let me just recite it for you.

Great moments are born from great opportunities.
That’s what you have here tonite, boys.
That’s what you’ve earned here tonite.
One game.
If you played them ten times, they might win nine.
But not tonite.
Tonite, you skate with them.
Tonite, you stay with them and you shut them down, because you can.
Tonite, you are the greatest hockey team in the world.

And he goes on.
And those boys do it. They play like it is in fact the only game they will ever play.
One game.

One day.
What if we really lived like there is only one day.
My sister told me about Griefwalker today.
We need to think about death more.
If we lived as if we had only one day left what would be different?

Our quality of presence would be immense.

One day. Why not live like that? These sweet ones already do.

a rainy walk

I want to move my body outside, every day. Sometimes, from inside where I sit imagining all the layers and all the steps to get out the door, that seems daunting. And, always worth it. Especially when Papa comes along.

Into man’s inner world, the senses pour their cornucopia; the Spirit of the worlds retrieves Itself here in the mirror of the eye, the human eye that from Itself as source must ever and again renew its force.

Rudolf Steiner
Calendar of the Soul: The Year Participated

i love

sunny play corners and sweet Larkin bird

beautiful loving mama-friends who come to craft and willingly read hockey stories instead

this child of mine (who is not mine at all)

this love that turns me inside out

a paintbrush or two

Children have a lot to teach us about creating.
Give them the tools, the space, and freedom, and they will create because they live and breathe possibility

Children’s drawings can be roughly divided into three stages, similar to those found in their play and their painting. In the first phase, before age three, the child creates purely out of the movement that carries her. The process of creation arises in a dreamy way, out of the rhythms and movements coming from within her own body, so if you ask a very young child about her drawing, she will usually be unable to explain the content to you.

In the second phase, between ages of three and five, the child lets the arising picture take hold of her imagination. While she draws, she will tell you about the picture as it unfolds in front of her.

After the fifth year, the child often approaches coloring with a definite idea or picture in mind, “I am going to draw my dog, Blacy, chasing a rabbit.”

Under the age of three, children draw spirals and these tend to go from outward to inward, gradually forming a center which reflects the child’s growing realization of self. These spiral movements are thought to be echoes of the movements of the cosmos and of the flowing rhythms and the fluids within the young child’s own body. After four, children draw people not as we see a person, but as he experiences his own self and body. The inner life processes, not the external form, are the determining factors.

Pretty amazing, eh?

From You Are Your Child’s First Teacher by Rahima Baldwin Dancy

I have been thinking about creativity, as I get swept up in sewing, knitting, and otherwise making of things. I won’t let this crafty-ness take me away from the deeper creative force that moves through me: to nurture these emerging beings into becoming their own unique selves.

I choose you

It’s a funny thing, this love/co-parenting relationship. I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s where all of my uglies come out.
If I’m having a challenging moment, I blame my mate. If several challenging moments pile up, I consider fleeing. Ridiculous. Yet repetitive enough that I need a new way of looking at all this.

So, here it is.
“You cannot disappoint me.”
If I am looking at my children that way, why not also look at my partner this way. He is just being him, doing the things that I fell in love with in the first place, such as skiing. Often. I remind myself, there is nothing wrong with that. I want him to be happy and do what he loves.

“This is THE love affair of this life.”
So, if I choose to believe that, which I do, then ACT LIKE IT, dammit. Treat him with real consideration and care. Embrace all of who he is, especially the parts that drive me nuts (neon sign pointing at places where I need to grow up).

And finally,
“This too shall pass.”
It will. One of us will die, something will happen, because everything in this world of form is temporary. One day we will not be together like this. It could be today, so let’s kiss good-bye when you leave in the morning. What if it is the last time?

We don’t have to wait until the kids go to bed to connect. We can connect in any moment we want, and that is so important for them to see. We don’t have to wait until the kids grow up so we can DO stuff together (like ski) to feel close. Let’s feel close now, even when our lives seem so different.

Feeling close requires opening my heart and letting go. It has nothing to do with changing you or wishing something was different. It is my choice, my work.

I choose you. Over and over.

a love story

Just remember that the story you tell is the basis of your life. So tell it the way you want it to be.

Yep. After yesterday’s post, with love on my mind, we went to the Good Food Store to get special dinner ingredients to celebrate our love for Papa. As we hung out in the cafe after shopping, I couldn’t take my eyes off an older couple sitting nearby. (I wish I had a picture of them for you.)

You both look so incredibly fit and healthy. What is your secret?

He says to her…Go on, tell her your secret

Turns out she has been a health nut for years, teaching yoga, eating well, lots of exercise. He told me she was 73 years old. I would have guessed late 50′s. We chatted some more, then they left. Awhile later (of course we were still there, many more crumbs worth inspecting) he came back, to tell me more.

And…she is the love of my life

His eyes were misty. Fifty four years they’ve been together. And his adoration was pure.

That is what I get for believing.
We always see what we believe.

top quote by Abraham-Hicks

a love story, continued.

Since we are talking about love stories, let’s talk about parenting love stories. I am narrowing my focus with vigilance. I want to see more and more ideal parenting in this world. Wouldn’t that be lovely? To go to the park and feel uplifted, inspired, energized by the quality of interactions you see between the adults and the children playing there? Yes. I want more of that.

This is what I see:

Children who are responded to with adoration.
I see you. Look at who you are. I am so in love with you.

Children who are never, ever left to cry for any reason. Every time they turn around to look for mama or papa, that person, the center of their universe is THERE, open and willing to be there.

Parents who are fulfilled and at peace with being parents. Who long for little because they know that being with their children is something they “get” to do, meaningful and rich just as it is.

Parents feeling connected, supported, energized, part of something vital, part of a community that honours who they are and what they do.

Children who are allowed to feel their feelings, express their wants, be who they are and who are provided with the information they need to understand how the world works.

Parents and children who get to be real, authentic, and who take full responsibility for all of it. Mad, sad, angry, frustrated, disappointed, tired, happy, ecstatic, peaceful, furious, whatever.
I’m feeling mad. I need support. Will you listen to me? Will you hold me?

Stories of home birth, family beds, nursing toddlers, full-time parenting, baby-wearing, unschooling and eating dirt are all NORMAL. (Daycare, strollers, cribs, bottles, hospital births happen, of course, but how different and unusual and rare to hear those stories.)

There is always a place to nurse, where children have seats, toilets, water fountains, play spaces that work for them, where instruments exist to help parents do everything one-handed, because of course they are carrying a child in the other arm.

Yes. It’s true. I do believe there is an ideal way to parent. It IS a love story and the time has come. I am grateful beyond words to be surrounded by such people, living these stories. And delighted to continually meet more of you who are discovering this is how you want to live.

one childhood

Lying in bed last night, nursing Sascha to sleep, and reflecting back through the day, I thought: This is IT.

A life is composed of just one moment after another, simply an accumulation of one moments. There is still a little part of me that is holding out for a different moment than this one. And yet, if I don’t think of this one as THE ONE, then I end up creating their childhoods out of moments that were well, kind of accidental.

So stop waiting, I tell myself.

Be kind now.
Let go of frustration.
Listen with more of yourself.
Play another round of whatever, with pleasure.
Seek ease.

They only get one childhood.

And as we walked down the sidewalk towards the library, the parking ticket person (who was NOT giving us a ticket) said Wow. Look at this. A sweet, friendly dog and two adorable kids. Looks to me like you’ve got it made!

I couldn’t agree more.

weekend giveaway!

Essential oil giveaway. Mmmm who couldn’t use some amazing Lemon Oil from Young Living, thank to our generous friend Erika Hickey who owns Walking Stick Toys and is also a distributor for Young Living.

Comment below and you will be entered to win. We will announce winner here, tomorrow (Sunday) night. Thanks everyone. We will be offering more giveaways soon, so keep checking back.

Also, if it pleases you, visit our Feeleez blog. We will be giving away treats there as well, and welcome your insights about teaching children empathy.

the river

Stop being who you think you are and start being who you are. Let yourself know what you know.

Adyashanti

I’ve been listening lately, tuning into what I know and noticing. This kind of knowing hangs out somewhere mysterious, beyond facts and figures. Maybe it’s in our bones, or our cells. The frequency is definitely outside of the realm of brain knowing.

When I soften around the edges, and turn down the volume of my thinking mind, I hear something else. Like who is calling when the phone rings. Or what food my body actually needs. Even more profound is what I know when it comes to my children.

I know when she is about to wake up. I know when he needs me to stay closer. I know when it’s unsafe to drive with them. I know before they fall that they are about to fall. I know which direction to walk with them to come face to face with something extra fine.

You know that knowing I’m talking about? You do, I’m sure of it. If you want to get closer, to hear that wise whispering, imagine being a river. When you interact with your children from that place, trusting yourself, things become, well, you know.

Oh, and if you are the scientific type, here is some data for you:
-the heart is made of 60% of same type of cells as the brain (heart-mind connection? oh yes)
-energy fields flow out of the heart with measurable strength within 3 feet of body
-the infant awakens intelligence in the mother-intuition-information not available through the senses, powers she doesn’t know she has

Information from Joseph Chilton Pearce

spring

Oh my, I can hardly believe it’s true. Barefeet? Sandbox? Outside all day? In and out without bundling and layers and boots? Juicy mango eating on the front steps at 6pm? Oh my. It really has been a long winter’s sleep.

When we truly love our children’s patterns and appreciate what a wonderful thing it is that they are the way they are, without the slightest wish for them to be different, we unify ourselves with them, and in the power of that unity both we and our children become more creative, more intelligent, more of everything we already are within.

From The Heart of Learning book from Oak Meadow Curriculum

I realize that quote may not exactly be spring-like but when I flipped through that book looking for the chapter on Expansion and Contraction, that quote jumped out. So there you go. In the meantime, let’s talk about your spring celebrations, and also be sure to visit our Feeleez blogbecause Natalie put up a new video for you.

With spring celebrations just around the corner, I’m curious about what you have up your sleeves? Homemade baskets? Spring fairies visiting with treats? Here are a few ideas for you:

Soulemama Traditions Old and New

Little House on the Rainbow

Knitted felted bowl pattern

Easter favour box on Etsy

And of course I love the ideas in this book

Whatever you do or don’t do, delight in it all. If you feel moved to share ideas, pictures, and the like, please do so!

sweet girl

Sweet Saschy-girl was teething something fierce last night and today. Feverish, wanting to be held close, no appetite, nursing desperately to try to find comfort, and sensitive to even the dog tail brushing her cheek. Poor girl. We can’t even fathom that kind of pain, I don’t think.

So, no Tuesday date with Natalie and Echo. No knitting group. No phone calls. No clean up. One handed catch with Elliott while holding her close.

Once I adjusted, Oh, it’s like THIS today, our day became one long, tender embrace.

What a relief when we stop expending energy to change What Is.

see with your heart

How do you want to see things?

A family’s only car gets totalled in an accident, no one hurt. They don’t have money for a new one. They happen to borrow a friend’s shiny new Prius for a day and observe it sitting in their driveway. Instead of feeling envious, Ahhhh. This is what’s coming our way. This is what it feels like to have a great car for our family.

A mama, fierce in her desire to be home with her baby, goes two years with no income, living on a credit card. Being impeccable about not spending a cent extra for ANYTHING, she accumulates a mere $6000 debt. Still, no fun little sprees, ever, and the potential for gnawing worry. Instead, This is the happiest I have ever been in my life.

Someone tells me that she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. She is about to have a baby and her partner is a longtime friend, so I won’t be involved in any way. Instead of feeling rejected, I choose to see I am actually being SPARED.

What I am trying to say is…SEE with your HEART so that you can see what you really want to see. Look only in those places that nurture the deepest part of you. Think thoughts that feed your soul.

thought vacation

Oh yes. Today I declared a thought vacation as a way of stepping both of my feet deeper into this experience of my life. Being a wee sleepy from my 3:30am wide-awake-let’s-get-up boy meant that anything less would mean trouble. So, be here, be here, be here all day. And guess what? Delights that I might have otherwise missed…here, I’ll show you.

Of course, my efforts weren’t perfect, far from it. I caught noticed myself thinking, oh, every three seconds or so, but somehow even this had more ease to it after my declaration than before. Yes. I’ll be taking this kind of vacation more often. I just don’t want to miss one second of what is actually happening right in front of my nose.

sweet feet and weekend giveaway

sweet feet

sweet play

sweet day

The skin on my face is warm and tingly from a whole day outside in the spring sunshine. My feet are scrubbed clean after getting dirty and dry from wearing flip flops. My babies are sleeping soundly together, waiting for me to join them after a day of whole-hearted play with dear friends. The kitchen is actually clean after an easy Friday night meal and I get to choose between knitting…

sewing…

or reading Wind Up Bird Chronicles

Honestly, could it be any better?

Oh, and something for YOU
WEEKEND GIVEAWAY

This weekend is sponsored by none other than the Natural Parenting Center. I am offering a month of FREE PARENT COACHING with me, by email.

I felt so
empowered being heard by you and having you ask such deep questions for me.

working with you, having you share in my life has been beautiful.

Comment below and we will announce winner on Sunday evening. You can use this coaching for yourself or you can give it to someone you know.

Have a lovely weekend, everyone.

i love…

Digging in the earth. There is something so basic, so healthy and real about it. We have started preparing the earth for planting in the coming weeks. Even a few minutes in a day is a delight. Worms. Rocks. Life.

Sunny mornings.
Still a little cool around here, and oh so sweet after all those winter months. Going outside first thing without jackets is almost strange, and really joyful.

Fresh human beings, alive and awake. Sweet mama friends. Crafty play Mondays. Our little corner of toys. Babies playing together.

This book of Fairy-Tale Tarot cards.

Today I picked The Yellow Brick Road.

This child reminds us that to attain our divinity we must become childlike-innocent, carefree, and joyful-and that child consciousness will lead humanity out of darkness and into light

what do we know?

I am reconsidering how the world works.

That is what Stephen A. Schwartz says after witnessing a Shoshone shaman named Rolling Thunder heal a teenage boy with a serious wound. He waved his arms above the boy and wolf appeared. This story, called The Mist Wolf, is told in Parabola

We talked about how the world works today.

Giving birth, raising children, that alone is enough to ask you to reconsider how the world works, don’t you think?

These photos about water by Masuro Emoto, can blow our little minds, too.

When opened to mysteries such as these, I realize, I don’t know anything. So, the question becomes, what do you want to think? What do you want to believe? Everything is worth reconsidering.

Who says that night is when you sleep?
Why not be there every single time your baby wakes up?
What if it is possible to heal anything with the touch of your hand?
Why not sit still?
Why not be MORE kind to a child when she does something violent?
What if our body understands more than our brain?
Why not drop every single one of your defenses?
Why not be vulnerable?
What if we can consciously create anything?
Why not heal a broken tooth?
What if a relationship is NOT about meeting your needs?
What if this child knows more than you do?
Why not feel bliss, every single day?

Seriously, what do we really know?

four

The number of kiddos here today.
Giffin and Avive were here to play as part of my hours of volunteer exchange for our local community food coop.

The number of languages I’d like to speak.
My mama friend speaks Hebrew to her children. She was telling me about her friend who speaks Italian to children, the papa speaks French, kids speak Hebrew to their friends and learn English in school.

It occurred to me, as I was sitting in dry bath with my two lovelies (we were re-filling it after Sascha poop overwhelmed us), listening to Elliott ask, is it stinky? is it gross?, that our papa speaks one language and I speak another. Their papa says ‘stinky’ and ‘gross’ while I say things like ‘that has a strong odor to my nose’ and ‘gross is simply an opinion’, striving for more of this. Our clients for parenting coaching often come to us with co-parenting struggles, feeling like they have such divergent approaches to parenting. Some of these differences are just fine, Italian and French. Others can be brought into alignment. The trick is knowing which are worthy of change and which are worthy of acceptance.

The number of felt food patterns I just purchased
here

Four is the number of times a day that I could use a reminder to suurrender, with ease, to the greater flow of things. I am so not in control of anything.

The ego cannot survive in an atmosphere of surrender.

approximate quote from Eckhart Tolle

the raw edge of life

Eating raw, living raw.

Raw food is divine, yet not always easy, especially when you live in a cold climate like Montana and when you are also striving to eat local. So, pick and choose from the recipes below to suit your commitment to whatever makes your heart sing.

Our favorite smoothie:
Grind handful of almonds in blender
Add raw apple cider, frozen spinach and berries, yogurt, drizzle of maple syrup and/or banana
Add water, goat milk or other liquid to thin
Hemp seeds and ground flax are optional
(I love the secret greens first thing in the morning!)

Cashew whipped cream
Grind handful of cashews to a powder in blender
(you can presoak nuts for couple of hours)
Slowly drizzle in water or oil (depending on how thick you like it) about 1/4 cup
Add maple syrup to taste (or couple of soaked dates and date water)

Flax crackers
2 cups flax seeds
1/3 cup chopped red bell pepper
1/3 cup cilantro or parsley
1 clove minced garlic
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 cup nama shoyu or 1 teaspoon sea salt

Blend everything except flax seeds. Vary vegetables and herbs according to your preference. Add to bowl with flax seeds. Spread on dehydrator sheets for 4 hours. Cut into shapes then dry until crisp (about 5 hours)

Fake pie crust
2 cups raw almonds
2 cups dates

Soak separately, then blend or chop. Press into pie plate. Add thick layer of cashew cream then raw fruit of your choosing. Berries, bananas, peaches, or whatever. Delicious for breakfast!

There are a few of my favorites. I’m also experimenting with raw pizza, raw sprouted hummus and other treats. Raw food makes my body humm. So unprocessed and close to the Source of things, it just feels right. More recipes can be found here.

Raw living.
To live raw is to be open and undefended. To me, it means that I am moved by life, the beauty of it, the joy, sadness, elation, peace of any moment. That if I am willing to stop the mind chatter, to stop fighting and resisting, and to sink myself into THIS. RIGHT. HERE. then I am, well, so much more.

Every experience and every feeling can either open us to something new, or keep us limited to what is “safe”, “in control”. What if there is no safe?
We recognize our problems and dissatisfactions as wake-up calls pointing out our readiness to come into deeper relationship with some lost aspect of our beings.
Undefended Love

What aspect of your being is lost? What would it take for you to find it?

I remember that I don’t know anything, because when my mind says…oh yeah, I already knew that, or …what is HIS problem, or…this simply HAS to change, then I am operating from my ego, my personality, and I’m closing myself off. Have you noticed that our children don’t do that? They linger at the raw edge of life, poking at every possibility, wanting more. When we say “shhshshs you’re fine” or “stop that” or “good job” or “you can do it”, we are actually shutting them down and teaching them to separate themselves from the Source of things.

The raw edge of life. That’s where I want to be. Will you join me there?

i want to remember

I want to remember
you pushing her on the swing, twirling her around, and the sound of her laughing, the look of her dizzy eyes of joy.

I want to remember
watching you run across the field in the sunshine with that pure sweet smile.

I want to remember
you going to sleep with your hockey helmet on, protection from the monsters.

I want to remember
the smell of your skin.

I want to remember
how we can be so mad with each other, and that it never really matters. Nothing will ever touch the love I have for you.

I want to remember
you asking me and saschy to come and be with you, that you always invite her too.

I want to remember
you asking me if I made this dinner then telling me it tastes pretty good.

I want to remember
how I feel as I write this
because what I really want to remember
can never be put into words.

chocolate soup

looking UP at her.

shoveling barefoot in the dirt.

playing with worms.

at the end of the day.

What is it like to be the space in which thought happens? Notice what it feels like to be the space in which the body moves and breathes. It’s not so difficult to take a few moments to explore, instead of trying to attain, to explore for yourself on your own authority, what happens when you relinquish control and allow everything to be as it is.

adyashanti

my girl

I love this girl.

An hour together, just the two of us, in the middle of a sunny Sunday afternoon while the boys are out.
Pure bliss.

Listening to Ani together.

It’s a long, long road.
It’s a big, big world.
We are wise, wise women.
We are giggling girls.

As the boys left, it was tempting to consider getting stuff done, and thankfully I resisted. Sat together in the grass, held out my finger for walking in circles (she’s at that stage already), eating rocks and dirt (of course) watching the chickens, listening to birds, laughing.

You are my girl.
You chose me to be your mama.
How am I so blessed?

When you wave your arm to sign for plane and I do it back to you, and we giggle.

When you sit at the top of the slide, thrilled, scared, trusting me to be the one to keep you safe.

When you clench your fists, turn red, and growl in utter fury, wanting, wanting.

When you say your words…
abhuuuu (balloon)
aiya (isis dog)
aeya (elliott)
huh (with a firm nod for yes, I think)
hahahaha (hot)

When you crawl onto my chest, tired from all your efforts of growing up, close your eyes to nurse, and I think, wow…I get to be your ‘home’.

I’ll tell you one thing, I’m going to make noise when I go down. For ten square blocks, there gonna know that I died. All the goddesses will come up to the ripped screen door and say, ‘what do you want, dear’, and I’ll say, ‘I want inside’.

Thank you for spending some of your sweet life with me.

What are you loving right now about your children?

mama tools

Amazing to me, we are doing this already.

Glued to this being, not yet toddler, hardly still baby, I got caught behind the reality of the moment, yet again. Surprised by my new role of hold-my-hand-today-and-follow-me-where-I-want-to-go-and-help-me-learn-to-stand-on-my-own-two-feet, I realized that I need MORE TOOLS. Unable to reach for tea or phone or anything, Natalie suggested a mama’s tool-belt. She is such a smart cookie, isn’t she?

So, I stayed up rather late last night making this.

It is SO fun and it works!

I used the vintage apron pattern from Bend-the-rules Sewing. Today, I walked around in jagged circles, holding my baby’s hand, with my mama tool-belt fully equipped with sunscreen, both phones, and camera. I’m considering adding a tea pocket tonite.

It got me thinking about how many tools there are for the attachment phase, with helpful baby carriers, and such, and how much fun it would be to have more tools and support for the differentiation phase, when our little ones begin their long dance of growing up, shifting without any predictability between closeness and separation.

For me, this is a challenge, as it asks me to be intensely devoted to following their flow, instead of imposing my own agenda. We each have our own preferences which have little to do with what our children may need on that day. When they wants to move away from me, I breathe deeply, squash the worries in my mind, smile, and trust in their strength and resilience, not wanting to flavour their exploration with my own sadness.

And then, when they want closeness, I trust that too, no matter how much nursing, holding, reassuring, cuddling is wanted. Their development does not and never will happen sequentially, so why be surprised with the two year old nurses fifteen times a night. It is exactly the way it is supposed to be, every time.

The seeker of our time does not enter into an Initiation Temple, but rather, seeks within what could be called ‘The Temple of Life’. Within this, as it manifests today, there are many paths of self development. Motherhood is one of these. Thus is motherhood a high exalted task, one connected with the deepest and most profound issues of life.

j. salter
the incarnating child

i love tuesdays

Today, Natalie and I took all of the kids to California, at least that’s what she told them as they rode over here to spend the day by the pool.

Our Tuesdays together feel like the village, raising our children in community, many needs being met all at once…play, fun, nourishment, connection, movement, discovery, nature, belonging, understanding.

Even at the end of a long day in the sun, when the witching hour caught us off-guard (kitchen disaster, potatoes boiling over, wild play in the living room including large ball being thrown and tackle, tears, negotiating toys to stay and toys to go, distraught feelings about their departure), there was lightness and ease. Trusting that everything will always work out is a vibration worth practicing for our own sake, and as a model for our children.

The moment I let go of it, was the moment I got more than I could handle.
The moment I jumped off of it, was the moment that I touched down.

alanis morisette

Oh, and we also shared our ‘easy’ recipes with each other and I thought you might have some too. You know, there ought to be a cookbook for full-time parents with recipes that have a little prep for 7-9 am, then a little assembly mid-afternoon, then NOTHING more to do during the late afternoon crazy-time, don’t you think?

Well, here is a hummus recipe that I LOVE. It’s from the Rebar cookbook which is one of my favorite restaurants in Victoria, BC

1/4 canola oil
1 inch piece ginger
1-19ou can of chickpeas
lime
1 tsp salt
2 garlic clobes
1/4 cup cashews, roasted
1 tsp coriander
1/2 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp cayenne
Blend and savour!

Please share any recipes that you love in the comments below.

fun for you

We have new coloring pages on our Feeleez site which you can download for free!
Help children learn feelings here!

The Little Daisy’s Big Nap pillow pattern by Amy Butler (buy pattern here, if you like) got finished, in teeny increments over several weeks. Here is Echo snuggling up with it.

Stinky-kat (also known as Stinkster) likes it, too.

Crafting can be so satisfying. Making beautiful things for your children, actually getting something finished! Using natural and healthy materials in your home. Being creative.

And it is most fun for me late at night, after I have given myself over to the adventures of the day. When I live my priorities, I feel better inside.

Priority #1: be with my kids. no really, BE with them.

your tribe

There are so many little happenings in a day, like when Elliott says

Mama, see my red toe? It’s going to fall off. I’m going to need to get a new one.

I’m sure you have them too and that you also want to remember them all. Then, when night comes and I sit down to write, I can hardly pull one out of the bunch, let alone write something coherent and perhaps even maybe meaningful? Then, to top it all off, I want to have some sweet photo to go along with the post! My. What a perfect challenge this is.

Well, here is a little something from today. I hope, as always, that you like it, and that it reminds you of how just right everything already is.

After popsicles in the hammock, the rain and cold returned today (snow? Are you kidding me?). Luckily, Papa Tim a.k.a. weather-guy, gave us the heads up.

We ended up downtown meeting our little playgroup at a coffee shop. Watching these two boys together reminded me, this is our TRIBE.

There is such a strong sentiment out there about children needing to be socialized, and needing school to do the socializing (longer article here. I don’t buy it. Our children need friendships like this. They need family, and they need a tribe.

A tribe is simply a loving and consistent group of family and friends, from zero to 100+ years of age, who are willing to mentor, nurture, guide, and care deeply for each child and each other.

I am so grateful for our tribe, both near and far, including the community created by this blog. (We actually think of it as ‘the modern village for conscious parents”). I am grateful for you.

happy weekend

Happy weekend, everyone.

Enlightenment is simply returning to our natural state of being

adyashanti

when everyone gets their wish

One of the finest things in family life, in my opinon, is discovering a way for everyone, everyone to get their wish. Isn’t that what we are always looking for? Finding ways to meet everyone’s needs?

Here are some things that have delighted us around here, lately.

Raw fruit pie.
Elliott gets his beloved sweets and mama watches this boy gobble up brilliant nutrients. Really, is there anything more satisfying than watching your child eat something really, really healthy?
I posted recipe here

Hand-made (or at least modified) kids clothes. They get to wear fun, new clothes that refect their current loves (such as the goalie mask), and mama gets to be crafty and creative, making goodies for her babes. Pure delight.
(The shirt was made using wool felt and something similar to Wonder Under. The pants are cut off sweats with a new cuff sewn at bottom.)

Cloth wipes. Here is an example from Natalie’s house. Xi, who is 5 years old, well, she can’t stand having any drip or shred of moisture left after she pees (need for dryness, cleanliness, hygene-yep, amazing girl.) This little stack of cloth wipes that sits beside the toilet meets her need for being able to wipe multiple times, and meets Natalie’s need for conservation, by saving toilet paper.

Ah yes. Everyone gets their wish, and maybe more importantly, we truly value our children’s needs and wishes. That’s what we are striving for.
Here is one more, for you.

A Feeleez game that we would like to give away to you. (A touch of stomach bug left me MIA for the weekend giveaway, so here it is, a little late.)
Comment below, and be entered to win. If you are willing to share a story of everyone’s needs being met in your home, we’d love to hear it. You get chance to win, we get to hear your story! Any comment at all will get you in the draw, so if you are in a rush, just say ‘hi’.

Phew. Long post! Meets my needs for connection with other conscious, loving mamas and papas. Thank YOU.

non-violent communication

By the way, we will close comments tomorrow night (WED)and announce the winner for the Feeleez game. Simply comment on this post or yesterday’s for your chance to win.

Oh my. I have been engaged in more rich, rich connections through the non-violent communication parenting group that I joined a couple of years ago. It is a yahoo group, open to anyone, and I highly recommend it if you are interested in practicing NVC, receiving empathy, offering your support and asking your questions. It is a sweet, safe place for learning one of the most powerful tools for parenting (and living!) that I have come across.

Here is the Center for NonViolent Communication home page. And,here is where to sign up for parenting email group.

Some beauty words that someone recently posted…

I think people participating in this loop are looking for a new and better way to help our children become mature kind, caring and unselfish grownups. It makes me feel better when I replace the modeling I received as a child with conscious presence and knowledge about what a child feels and needs.

She is referring to being with her grandson.

During the next few years I want to overlook, from a
punitive perspective, as much as possible any behaviors that might be considered uncaring, unkind or selfish because I believe he is not ready to be looking at his own behavior. I want to create an environment that is safe, reassuring and loving. I want to model the kindness, caring and selflessness I want to see in him when he is an adult. I want to show him empathy when he is uncaring, unkind or selfish. I want to imprint of his mind my face loving him in every instance.

I believe that caring, kindness and unselfishness are the results of modeled caring, kindness and unselfishness. Asking him to act in a way that is counter to his feelings is denying who he is at this stage of his development and asking him to “act” in a way that pleases me and makes me feel comfortable is abusive. It is my fear that this can lead to excessive narcissism in his adult life.

When I see my child in distressing situations I ask myself if I have created an environment that is appropriate for his developmental needs. Am I asking him to be who I want him to be instead of who he is? Am I doing to him what was done to me instead of applying NVC principles? What am I modeling?

Isn’t that lovely?

It was snowing here today. From popsicles in the hammock to down jackets getting wet. Yes. Allowing everything to be as it is. Every day gives us the chance to practice that.

yogi mama, sort of

Much to my surprise, a space opened up in the middle of the day.

Both babes fell asleep at the same time. Something in me knew. This. Is. It.

I ignored the laundry pile on the couch (which has been there for two days), the dishes in the sink, dinner waiting to be prepped, and rolled out the yoga mat.

What is this?, my body said. This is yoga, I replied. Enjoy.

This body and I moved through almost all of the standing postures of Ashtanga primary series, before Sascha woke up to nurse. Once familiar, these poses are new territory for post-birthing body. I also come to the mat with new interests. It’s now more than exercise. It’s about movement, feeling my feelings, remembering who I really am, beyond the little me.

I watched this beastly mind dart and storm about, furious and fragile and completely nutty. Arms sweeping up, heart diving forward, jump back, breathe. Breathe. And something important shifts. I step back and watch myself, a little less involved in the drama. Gratitude seeps back in.

It is really tempting-and easier than you would think-to avoid deeply experiencing (parenthood)

Nate Shildback
Life Learning magazine

As I spent much of the rest of the day with this 11 month old walking me around by the finger, I could see this temptation to avoid, to try to escape what is (surely, if I could just do this one more thing, then I could be, I try to fool myself). No. I want this. I want them. I want the deeply experienced version.

you are loved for no reason at all.

We will learn to parent peacefully, powerfully only when to we are willing to consciously grow ourselves up.

Growing up is emotional.

There are many ways to get there. We can start by taking time every morning to set our compass, so to speak.
Who do I want to be, today?
What really matters?
What do I want to look back on in ten or twenty years?

This can create just enough space to become less involved in the drama, the story, the chaos of a day.

At night, gaze back, feeling your way through the day. What felt right? Where did I lose my way? Try (and try and try) to not become analytical or intellectual about it (oh how the mind wants in on this!) and stay with the feelings, tune into the body.
What matters, I ask myself again?
What is here for me? Feel what’s really going on here.

There is no way around this. If we want to parent differently than we were parented, if we want to evolve, we must devote conscious effort to changing. More than reading a book, we are called to BE different. This won’t always feel good, there will be grieving, sadness, fury. Feel it all.

Our children are here to break ourselves open. Have you ever known a more compelling call?

For more Michael Brown videos and information, visit The Presence Portal. Michael’s book is called The Presence Process

soothing

I’ve been missing meeting up with you here.
I was up until midnight on Friday night, trying to craft a blog about May Day and it just didn’t flow-boring pics, blah wording. So I deleted it all and went to bed.

My intention is to give something away every weekend, so that you have treats to look forward to. Stay tuned as I find that rhythm. Also, I am moving us over to typepad soon, so that we can enjoy more features. (You may have noticed the blog changed a couple of weeks ago, then changed back. That was me playing.) We will keep you posted before we make the move.

In the meantime::
Here is a book for a give away this week.

The Book of New Family Traditions. How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays and Everyday by Meg Cox

Simply comment on any post this week (we’ll close comments Friday night) and your name will go into the hat. Also, if you recommend this blog to a friend, and they mention your name, your name AND their name will be entered. So you can get lots of chances to win. A fun way to meet all of our needs…you get to play and I get to meet more of you.

In the meantime, welcome to May! Full moon is on May 9th.

We had some sweet papa time this weekend.

You can see that the Ergo still works for our almost four-year old. There is something so sweet about being close, especially as babies become children, exploring the world in their own way and returning back to mama as home-base less and less.

Maybe that is the shift that I’m struggling to adjust to. (Not to mention teething sleepless nights, poor girl.) In this state of discontent, these things have helped:

eat chocolate:: so much chocolate, in fact, that E. smelled a piece of chocolate the other day and said That smells like mama. (Didn’t you know that chocolate gives us the feeling that nursing gives babies as same hormone is released? Makes SO much sense to me. I’m making up for what was missing in infancy.)

see the good:: those chubby baby legs, spring happening in the garden, remarkable friends who inspire and understand, a sister learning nvc and passing that along, blossoming Feeleez work, and so so much more.

laugh:: comforting scared Elliott in bed, encouraging him to say OM to surround himself with love and keep the monsters away and he says you mean OM-grrrrrrr, OM-grrrrrr.

Then, I read this:

Soothing ourselves is not about making ourselves feel more comfortable. It is about supporting ourselves through every experience.

This means feeling our feelings, trying not to change them, avoiding making up stories about what’s happening, letting feelings come and go in waves, letting experiences have their way with you without resistence, drawing and journaling to give feelings more space in your awareness, being attentive to what is happening. Read more here. Hmmm. That’s a little different than what I’ve been doing.

Oh yes. So, so much to learn. But I’m still going to eat chocolate!

every child has a song

There’s a tribe in Africa that counts the
birthday of a child from the day the child is a thought in its mother’s mind. On that day, a woman goes out and sits under
a tree and quietly listens and waits until she can hear the song of her child. When she has heard the song, she returns to her
village and teaches it to the man whom she has envisioned as the child’s father, so that they can sing the song when they
make love, inviting their child to join them.

The expectant mother then sings this song to the child in her womb and teaches it to the midwives, who sing it when
the child is born. And the villagers all learn the child’s song, so that whenever the child cries or hurts itself, they pick it
up, hold it in their arms, and sing the song. The song is also sung when the young man or woman goes through a rite of
passage, when he or she marries, and then, for a last time, when he or she is about to die.

What a beautiful way for human beings to listen to and to comfort other human beings. This is the spirit of conscious
parenting, to listen to the song of the child in front of you and to sing that child’s song to him or her. When a child is
crying, we need to ask why this child is singing the crying song, what pain or frustration this child is feeling.

Jack Kornfield

this girl sings of…
*woodpeckers (during pregnancy I saw 7 in one tree and see them most every day when I walk with her.)
*devouring every morsel
*the joy of movement (she is officially walking, as of today!)
*power and strength
*boldly going after whatever her heart desires
*expressing her whole self for all the world to delight in
*nakey nake (clothes are no fun at all)
*fearless eye contact with anyone willing
*lusciousness
*facing outward, won’t miss a thing
*always close, close, close…connecting fully, always.

oh sweet saschy-girl. we are so glad you are here.

What is your child’s song?

elimination communication, then and now

around two months

around seven months

ten months

Elimination communication (EC) or Natural Infant Hygene, is just one more way to be sensitive, tuned in, and responsive to your baby. This will come as no surprise to you all, who are so very aware of how remarkable these wee ones are, but it turns out that babies are born with an awareness of their elimination patterns and needs. They are SO smart, aren’t they? Babies communicate when they need to pee and poop, we just need to learn how they are telling us and then offer them a potty. Diaper free is possible!

Our diaper-free adventure started at birth, though I didn’t know what I was doing. It just seemed wrong to me to put a diaper on this perfect little bottom, and I had heard something about EC, so I held a cloth below her until I finally got my hands on this book. Then I started using signals, and actually offering her a bowl to eliminate into, instead of just the cloth. Catching those first pees was ridiculously fun.

We have had stretches of times when I’ve caught almost every one in a day, and stretches of many misses. The difference is how into the moment and out of my head I am. Intuition is a remarkable thing. I often just “know” when she has to go. It has been fulfilling for me to find yet another way to listen to my heart.

Recently we went through about six weeks of being out of sync. Every time I offered to hold her over the sink or toilet, she would stiffen her legs and “refuse”, then pee wherever. I thought it was all over. The winter weather had meant lots of diapering and maybe that took away her attunement to her own elimination needs, I thought.

Then, we got a bigger potty, one she could crawl over to and sit on. That was what was going on. She, and we, are now back in the flow. This ten month old girl will signal to me that she has to pee, then we get to the potty together, and there she goes. It’s astounding. Sure we miss lots, but just knowing what she looks like when she needs to go, just having that degree of intimacy and connection is divine. It has nothing to do with “training”, it is all about listening.

She shows me what’s up, as usual.

I wish I had known for Elliott. What a gift to know now. How fun it would be for everyone to have the support and information to practice this with their babes.